Caution: Someone's about to get on it again.
Robert McKee and I were just rudely interrupted.
There we were having a robust one-on-one conversation about how I am going to become the greatest writer in this whole-wide bedroom of mine, all I have to do is listen to him, when some nugget actor popped up on my screen …
Ah! Busted!
For those of you who weren’t quite sure, Robert McKee is not at my house delivering private tuition in my bedroom. I know it sounds feasible. But it just isn’t true.
I was watching him speak on Youtube. There. Now you know.
Back to the nugget actor who interrupted me and ol ‘Bobby McKee’ (maybe he gave Janice some private bedroom tuition in the day? Inspired a song?).
He claimed to be from Vodafail, sorry, Vodafone.
He crap crap crap crapped on for twenty of the most boring seconds of my life as bright colours danced around him and he smiled through the words I’m sure were not in anyway slowly murdering his acting soul, that were basically designed to convince the viewer that Vodafone has changed.
Vodafone is cool! Vodafone is fair! Look I’m smiling! Look at the bright colours! Get suckered in!
Give me a break.
Sorry to make an example of Vodafail, sorry, Vodafone, and perpetuate my passionate hatred for every telco on the planet. Companies and advertisers on every square inch of the globe are doing the same thing.
They’re treating us like we don't know there is a solution beyond what they're offering - or that there isn't even a problem for them to solve in the first place.
I have worked in marketing roles and have marketing qualifications. I know how things work from the inside. Strategy for change communicated with relevant IMC is great. No worries.
It’s when it gets passed over to the advertisers that bothers me.
No. It’s when the advertisers get to people that bothers me.
I possess an average IQ, therefore, I am legally excluded from ‘idiot’ status. I can think beyond a twenty second ad! Horray! I implore fellow cognizants to do the same.
Yesterday, I turned on my television for the first time in three months to watch the news. I flicked through a dozen tv stations that were dominated by infomercials: Some new device to work-out on; some new appliance to cook with; some new piece of shit you’ll never use.
I know I said this in my last blog, but come on. If we buy this crap, people will keep making it. They will keep clogging up our tv screens and we will in turn keep clogging up our atmosphere with manufacture pollutants and our earth and sea with discarded useless waste.
Almost every ad patronises us or lies to us. Advertisers treat us like idiots, and that’s why I’ve stopped watching tv*.
The real reason this all bothers me, though, is that the likes of banks and telcos and insurance companies re-brand themselves to convince us they’re all customer-centric now and it’s safe to head on in to their murky, shark-infested waters, and when we take the bait, we all get stuck with another rubbish contract and rubbish time-wasting service.
Until I see unequivocal evidence of major corporations changing their cultural philosophy, I cannot reasonably believe any piece of marketing tripe I see from any of them. Tell me through filters that you're going to give me a fair deal after I've had nothing but the contrary for seventeen years all you want: You can't polish a turd, mate.
Companies who change their culture from the top/down and inside/out will be the prevailers of business in this fake world of transparent advertising fluff.
Practice consumer safety: Swim between the flags and yell loud as hell when you’re in trouble. Things will only change if we do.
*The real reason I stopped watching tv is the aerial broke.
We can be friends here.
We can talk shit here.
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