Simple ways you can help your beloved politicians/The hypocrisy of those who want democracy

Geez, we’re an angry bunch lately, aren’t we?!

It’s probably my own fault for subscribing to Facebook pages of Insight, Q&A, and the like - exposing myself to heated arguments about the state of Australian politics, racism, and feminism – as opposed using Facebook the way it is intended and directing my own photo shoot of cleavage-bound self-portraits.

Our petty, Australian in-fighting is really annoying me, when we live in a complex, dynamic world that seems to be against itself in every way possible. Politicians in particular, are fair game. They can’t mutter the words “experience with families” without getting bludgeoned by a media-induced mob.

I’m one of the most verbal critics of both sides of Australian politics. I have persevered with Question Time, I really have. But I think my record is around three minutes for sustaining viewing before switching the TV off in a frustrated rage (and that was back in my early-twenties when I was too stoned to find the remote any quicker).

I have no patience for conversations that focus on blame shifting, externalising, and talking-over the opponent. It’s unproductive and alienating. So I’d like to ask our pollies to stop it. Just stop with the sandbox slinging match and please, for love of Oprah, get on with it!

But lately, I wonder if these poor socially retarded souls just need a little less harsh criticism from we, the people, and perhaps, a little more of a helpful nudge in the right direction? Perhaps all that time at law school just sapped them of their empathy, and ability to read people (whom are screaming at them in blind fury)?


Australia, our politicians need our help.

And all it takes is two simple steps:
1) Looking inwards; and
2) A lovely little cliché about the goose and the gander, to help remind us all to stay on track.

We don’t even talk about the importance of democracy in Australia because we’ve always had it. It’s our God-given right as Australians to say whatever we like! But God-forbid someone have an opinion that contradicts yours! I hate to say it, I really do, but you know it’s bogans I’m talking about.

If we want our politicians to not be hypocrites, then…goose and gander, my friends…goose and gander. I think that if we want our “leaders” to do better, we need to set the example.


Come on fellow Aussies, let’s show Canberra how it’s done:

I have a list of suggestions of how we, the people, can make some slight tweaks in our general conversation and actions to positively influence our Politicians (but probably more so; our media) into greater productivity on our money, and talk about things that are interesting*, as opposed to how wrong the other person is:


1. Stop saying “I grew here, you flew here”.
That makes you a bogan, and an arsehole.
This will hopefully influence Bob Katter.

2. Stop saying “Fuck off, we’re full”.
That makes you an uneducated bogan, and an arsehole.
This will hopefully help the eradication of the One Nation Party (yes, they’re still around).

3. Stop using your company credit card to buy shit you’re not supposed to.
That makes you a hypocrite.
Remember: Goose & Gander!

4. Stop bludging on welfare.
That makes you a hypocrite with bad teeth.
Remember: Goose & Gander!

5. Stop saying anything that stereotypes Muslims and ATSI’s.
See item number 2.

6. Don’t magnify a person’s physical flaws as a way to insult and embarrass them.
That makes you the media.

7. Don’t exaggerate when you’re trying to describe how awful a person is.
That makes you the media.

8. Don’t make it personal.
That makes you Alan Jones/an idiot.

9. Don’t take it personal.
That makes you a woman (Stop it! I’m kidding!). I meant, it just looks like you’re deflecting from the real issue at hand, when you try to make out that you’re taking it personal.

10. Don’t raise your voice.
It suggests you don’t have anything intelligent to say.
This might help…every member on the front bench.

11. Don't say that one person's point of view is wrong, but offer no solution yourself.
That makes you...a politician.



So there you have it; my tips on how to help our pollies be less annoying.

I can’t put this any other way – everything starts at home.




*Interesting according to the author does not include the following: strippers, credit cards, any sentence with word ‘slipper’ in it, Tony Abbott, Julie Bishop, Christopher Pyne, Christopher Pyne going on Q&A, Julia Gillard’s skirts, Julia Gillard’s haircut, Julia Gillard’s accent, Julia Gillard’s feelings, Julia Gillard’s lack of feelings, Julia Gillard.




For more hypocrisy head to Facebook, where there will be no self-portraits or cleavage (sorry/you're welcome).