Sisters are doing it to themselves.

I am a feminist. Why? Because, as Caitlin Moran puts it: a) I have a vagina; and b) I want to be in charge of it. It shouldn’t be any more complicated than that.

As a feminist, and proud owner of one said vagina, I am increasingly compelled to look at the current feminist position, and wonder exactly what it is “we’re” all “fighting” for?

I am a regular reader of sites such as Jezebel and The Hoopla, and I see a lot of angry, heated-up women demanding “respect”, and shouting on cyber rooftops for “equality”, and pouncing like a pack of wild, hungry mountain cats, on any unfortunate male who happens to string three words together in the “wrong” order.

Can we just hit the pause button for a minute, and someone get me up to speed on what’s happening with this movie, because, before I slipped out for a toilet break, things were going pretty good for women here in the lucky country, as far as I, a woman, could see.

Every woman I have personally come in contact with in my thirty years living in our great country are in charge of their vaginas, so feminism movement = done; women = 1. Very good then. Let’s get on with it. Yeah? Apparently, not.

Almost every day I engage in (or eavesdrop on) conversation with both men and women about the state of equality (or lack thereof). People regurgitate old statistics about women earning 70-odd percent of their male counter-parts, and being discriminated against for breastfeeding in the workplace, and having to do more housework, and having their breasts started at my some creep on the streets, and quack quack quack - the whinging goes on.

I don’t mean to sound like a traitor, fellow ladies, I really don’t; but I can’t help but feel a little let down by the team myself.

For starters, women overall earn less than men in their lifetimes because most choose to stay at home and rare children at some point in their life. Note: the key word here is choose.

The feminist movement was all about choice.

Women just wanted the choice to vote, the choice to sit at a bar, the choice to have sex when and with whom, the choice to proceed with a pregnancy, the choice to go to university, the choice in whatever career she wanted... No-one is forcing you to have kids. We are choosing to sacrifice the overall lifetime equal pay, to have our little bundles of joy. So don’t give me that stat. It’s factually distorted to play to the victim card.

The victim card is old and boring.

If you want a pay rise, or the archaic clown in the office to pipe down about your workplace breastfeeding, or for your husband to help more around the house – do something about it! If you truly want to be seen as an equal, and stand side to your male counterparts, then do what they would do – speak up! They got their payrise, not because they’re men or they’re arseholes; they got it because they asked for it! That’s all there is to it!

Wallowing in your own pathetic-ness, reciting the same old clichés like “I didn’t get the promotion because I’m a woman” only perpetuates a weak, naval-gazing image, and is really just an excuse, so get up, shake it off, and just get it done.

And absolutely - violence against women, rape, mysogony (do we all know what it means now?!) and all forms of injustice against women are deplorable, abhorrent and should not be stood for in any way. So, let’s just continue to fight the good fight on that together. And for God’s sake if you’re in a violent environment, get the hell out, Now. No excuse. He doesn’t love you. Love doesn’t hurt. I can’t be clearer or more serious on that.

Don’t stand for it. Don’t be a victim.

How connected is our current generation of young women to the source of the feminist movement?

I am sceptical. Beyond hearing stories from our mothers and grandmothers, as Australians, we haven’t actually had to endure the real, nasty, gritty, Mad-Men style of exploitation and oppression that our predecessors did. They were fired up – marching, and burning bras, and presenting powerful speeches – because it was very, very real to them.

In a world of a female Prime Minister, icons like Germaine Greer, moguls like Oprah Winfrey, idols like Madonna & Gaga, and powerhouses like Angela Merkel….I think we’re a bit beyond crying about all the injustices against our kind. We really do have the choice to do, be, and have anything we want.

Men are not against us.

There are arseholes is both sexes, let’s be honest. Tarring men with the same brush is so hypocritically counter-productive. We all know good men; some of us even know men whom identify themselves as feminists.

And with all the mixed messages being screamed from the other end of the house, at varying times of each lunar cycle, I think men can be forgiven for wandering around in circles, scratching their head and wondering what the hell their place in society is these days?

They are expected to be the breadwinners, do 50% of housework; compliment you, not ask you for sex, not seek sex anywhere else, remain sexually attracted to you at all times (even when you’re at your ugliest), read your mind, know exactly what will offend one women, and what the next wont even bat an eyelash at; be strong; be sensitive; like your family; accept you not liking his; take it when you feel like verbally beating him to an emasculated shell; and basically just do whatever the hell you say. Don’t you think this kind of treatment would result to resentment? Rebellion? A movement, perhaps?

I once worked with a woman who would share stores with pride, of how she condescended her husband on a daily basis over his inability to prepare dinner. She reminded him regularly that because she was the home keeper, the family and the unit would literally fall apart without her. Now, I’m not doubting that she was the rock of the family; a strong, loving mother who ran a great household – but I wonder what her reaction would be if her husband (an intelligent academic and very successful businessman) patronised her for her inability to do his Engineering job. I imagine a Loony Tunes-esque cat fight.

It’s all well and good for us to say “Well, I am the woman, I will do what I want!” But is that really fair? Is that a partnership? Is that equality?

I firmly believe that if we really want “respect” and “equality” then we need to “fight” a fair game. Let’s start giving the good men in the world the respect they deserve and not use them as our punching bags just because, let’s face it, we sometime don’t even know what is wrong with us.

Sisters, we are doing it to ourselves.

Chris Rock says women would rule the world by now, if we didn’t hate each other.

Iyanla Vanzant says that women fight each other because they feel that if “she” gets hers, then there won’t be enough left for me. Men, on the other hand think “If I get mine, then I don’t care about you”.

Why Women Compete with One Another

Women have an innate propensity for care, support, and nurture. This is vital for humanity’s progress. But, let’s be honest: we judge each other all the time.

If we really want men to start treating us better, perhaps we should look into our own female backyard, and start at home, so to speak.



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